DON’T WANT
TO HEAR FROM YOU.
BUT IF YOU INSIST...
I’m an Alien. My inbox is across the galaxy.
If you still want to reach me, follow the Contact Protocol below.
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. I JUST DON’T CARE.
THE CONTACT PROTOCOL
To even have a chance of getting a reply, you must follow the protocol.
CHECK YOUR EGO
If your message is about you, your product, your band, or your “big idea”... don’t bother. I’m not impressed.
OFFER TRIBUTE
Show your respect with a tribute. This proves you value my time.
FILL THE FORM
After your tribute, you’ll unlock the sacred contact form. Fill it out. Be clear. Be brief. Be worthy.
MAYBE I REPLY
If I reply, great. If I don’t... well, you were warned. I have galaxies to ignore.
TRIBUTE OPTIONS (NON-REFUNDABLE)
SMALL TRIBUTE
Acknowledges your existence in the system.
Low chance of reply.
RESPECT TRIBUTE
You might get a glance at your message.
SERIOUS TRIBUTE
Message is more likely to be read. Still not guaranteed.
GALACTIC VIP PASS
Fast track to the front of the very long line.
⚠️ WARNING: HUMANS WILL TRY TO ABUSE THIS.
- NO free tech support
- NO promotion requests
- NO “just saying hi”
- NO complaints
- NO spam
- NO exceptions
FREQUENTLY IGNORED QUESTIONS
Q: Why don’t you just use a normal contact form?
A: Because I’m not normal. And neither is this show.
Q: What if I have a really important question?
A: Then the universe will make sure I see it. Your tribute helps.
Q: Do you respond to everyone who sends a tribute?
A: LOL. No.
Q: Can I get a refund if you don’t reply?
A: Read the terms shown at checkout before sending any payment.
STILL WANT TO
CONTACT AN ALIEN?
PREPARE YOUR TRIBUTE
AND PROCEED ONLY IF
YOU ARE WORTHY.
MAKE YOUR TRIBUTE 👽After your tribute is verified, the contact form can be revealed.